Forgiving. It is something we are all faced with multiple times throughout the course of our lives. Sometimes it’s just hard. Many times we may want to forgive but can’t seem to get past the hurt. Yet, as hard as it may be, forgiving is one of the most freeing things we will ever do.
When teaching my children about forgiveness I asked them to think of the most miserable person they knew. Then I asked them if this person was forgiving or held grudges. Next, I asked them to think of the most peaceful person they knew and to see if they were forgiving or held grudges. The final question was, “Which one do you want to be like?”
Most of us know that holding on to things done to us or our loved ones doesn’t harm the person who did it, but it does harm us. It eats away inside of us causing inner corrosion and stealing our peace and joy. To be free from the corrosion and begin to heal begins with a decision to forgive but in order to find freedom there is a process.
Today’s blog is about the process to forgiveness so we can be free.
Be Specific
It is easier to say, “I forgive Joe.” Than it is to say, “I forgive Joe for cheating me in the car deal.” It takes humility on our part to say someone has “done” something to us. When we forgive the specific things done against us we can begin to be free from the corrosion of offence. In being specific we are identifying what has really wounded us; what is causing our corrosion. It’s important to say what happened and how it has affected us. The decision to forgive the specific offence begins the process of being free.
It’s a Process
Forgiveness is a process. We have to walk it out. To do this, each time the offence comes to our mind we must reaffirm our decision to forgive by saying, for example, “LORD, I choose to forgive Joe for cheating me. Please help me.” When we think on the offence and let it run away in our thoughts we give life to the very thing we are struggling to be free from!
Small infractions may only take our speaking out forgiveness one time. Deeper things we may have to continue reaffirming our decision a long while. Depending on what it is we may have to say, “I forgive” every hour— every second even, if it comes up that often. Each time we speak our decision to forgive, the offence looses a little more of it’s hold on us. We do this until it is gone!
A huge part of the process is asking the LORD to help us– once again, this takes humility on our part. We must be willing to forgive but the Holy Spirit works it out within us. He is our Helper and He’s more than glad to help!
A huge part of the process is asking the LORD to help us– once again, this takes humility on our part. We must be willing to forgive but the Holy Spirit works it out within us. He is our Helper and He’s more than glad to help!
Repentance
We don’t repent for what happened to us. In forgiving we are never saying what the other person did was right. Our goal is that our hearts are clean and free. Therefore, we repent for any resentment on our part for what has happened to us. I always include this step when I forgive because to me, it doesn’t matter if I feel resentment or not, my goal is a clean heart and I want to do all I can to have that. For example, I would say, “LORD, I repent for resenting Joe for cheating me. Please cleanse my heart of all resentment.” If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9
Be aware if there is condemnation or guilt. A common tactic of the enemy is to tell you that you haven’t forgiven when you are actually in the process of walking it out. Be encouraged that as long as you are affirming your decision to forgive Holy Spirit is helping you through it! Forgiving is a decision, not a feeling. As long as you continue in your decision to forgive your feelings will eventually catch up.
Bless
This is a very crucial part of the forgiveness process wherein we bless those who have offended us. Again, this has nothing to do with how we feel because truth be told very rarely will we feel like blessing those who have wronged us. We do this out of obedience. Luke 6:28 says, “Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” As we bless we find our hearts will begin to change towards those who have offended us. It is most helpful when we bless them with what we desire for God to bless us with. In other words don’t be vague; be specific in your blessing. This should be something we delight to do because we reap what we sow— who doesn’t want a harvest of blessing. By the way, if you curse those who’ve hurt you, well, you reap that too.
Hindrance
A huge hindrance to forgiving is to rehash the offence in our mind, often with the added details of what we could or should have said or done. Another aspect is to think and think about it reliving how it hurt us. This is the place we must take our thoughts captive and bring them in line with Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5) We walk this out by thinking on whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8). Maybe it is true but if it’s not lovely or praiseworthy throw it out! It is not possible to continue to dwell on an offence and forgive it. When we forgive we must also let go, refusing to allow it to grow!
Grace
When we feel we just can’t forgive, it’s too hard or we’ve tried before– whatever the reason— we can ask for the grace to forgive. Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” The LORD said in 2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Asking for grace to forgive is simply being honest in our need for the LORD to help us. We need Him and it’s OK to admit that we do! In fact, He wants us to ask Him (Matthew 18:3).
Write a Letter
Sometimes writing a letter helps to begin to clear out the corrosion. When I do this I name every offence, with the person, that comes to mind. I also repent for my own resentment. Then I shred the letter. This is something to help us have a clean heart free from offence. This particular letter writing is not for reconciliation, but only a means of helping us release what we have been holding on to. Reconciliation is another topic.
Simple steps
Forgive specific offences.
Repent for any resentment.
Refuse to dwell on the offence.
Bless those who have hurt or caused you grief.
Ask for grace to forgive.
Forgiving may be hard but it brings peace to our hearts! May each of us receive the grace to forgive even as we have been forgiven.
Coffee With the King 