Letting Go Of Bitterness

Bitterness—- what is it? Where does it come from? Do I have it? 

Bitterness is defined as a strong unrelenting hostility or resentment. I found it interesting that one of the words used to define hostility was unfriendliness. We might not see it as bitterness, but resentment can be defined by feelings of displeasure or even an, “I can’t believe they did/said THAT” concerning another’s actions or remarks. Because we know bitterness is not a quality to have our minds will tell us we don’t have it.

Bitterness begins when we are offended. Not every offence leads to bitterness though. This is because sometimes we are able to forgive and let go of the offence. Other times, we may even say we forgive, but if we do not work at making sure the offence is gone bitterness can still set in. Once bitterness sets in, it can become dark and ugly if we fail to dig it out of the soil of our life. Like unattended weeds in a garden it will soon take over and cloud our view of life. 

We have all known people who were bitter for one reason or another. They can even be a pleasant enough person but bring up a certain subject and you know they have some weeds! Often times they seem oblivious to the bitterness. If others can’t see when they are bitter, can we see when we are bitter? Do we know we have it? We can test ourselves to find out if we have the weed of bitterness in our garden. Asking ourselves these questions will help us see the truth. Do I feel unfriendly towards anyone? When certain people do things, am I always seeing how it was wrong, could have been better or I just can’t believe they did that? Are things they say often wrong? Do I have negative feelings when they come to mind or I see them? Do I want to avoid them? Are my thoughts about them negative? Do I ever rehearse the offence done to me or someone I love? 

If you have spotted bitterness in your life that is actually a good thing. Not good that you have bitterness, but rather good that you see it, because, you can only do something about things you see are there! Would you like to be free from bitterness?

The first step to freedom is to admit to God that you have bitterness. Then ask Him to forgive you for holding onto offence and resenting the person. Also, ask Him for grace to forgive all wrongs (be as specific as possible). (1 John 1:9, Acts 3:19, Matthew 6:12)

The next step is to refuse to think about the offence. When it comes to mind speak, out loud, your decision to forgive. This is how we let go. If we allow our mind to go there the situation gets bigger and uglier. I have never known anyone to be free of bitterness who continued to ponder on the offence or their feelings of being slighted. When we decide to forgive, a part of forgiveness is not to think about what happened. This doesn’t mean it won’t pop into our mind. It does mean we won’t allow it to stay and visit! I will point out here that sometimes this is a battle. We may have to affirm our decision daily, hourly or even every minute, sometimes every second even! But if we don’t give up, it is a battle we will win! The enemy will be upset that we have let go of bitterness because when we let bitterness go he loses a right to torment us. Because he is upset he will keep bringing it up— this is why it’s important to state out loud your decision because he can’t hear your thoughts!—as long as we do not come back into agreement with him we have won the battle and he has lost!

The last step is the one that I think keeps weeds out and causes flowers to grow in our life. This step is to pray for the one who has caused the offence. We’ve probably all heard it said that, “Hurting people hurt people.” Whether they meant to hurt or offend or not there is something in their life that needs repair. We know this is true because it’s true for ALL our lives! So, pray for God to bless them in ways you desire to be blessed. Ask God to help you see them as He sees them. Ask the LORD to give you compassion for them. Pray for them as sincerely as you would pray for your dearest loved one. I can guarantee, that before you know it your bitterness will be gone and you will have a brand new outlook! Bitterness will flee! (Matthew 5:44, Luke 6:28)

Bitterness allows tormentors in our lives but forgiveness sets us free to love! (Matthew 6:14; 18) Let’s all be free of bitterness!!