Situations in certain seasons cause us to reflect and think back on life. Lately, I’ve been thinking about some things I learned about loss, particularly of loved ones gone too soon. My Dad died when I was 22 and even though I was aware of the deep void, it wouldn’t be until years later that I really understood the magnitude of my loss; it suddenly became real all the things that could never be again. Along the way of healing, I learned some important lessons that today help serve as my compass along life’s journey.
Daddy was 51, way too young to die. At first, I was angry at God and my Dad too. It wasn’t fair that a “good” man should die while scores of men who would commit horrible deeds were permitted to live. It was all just so unfair! Why should my child be robbed of his grandfather? Why should I never be able to enjoy meals and laughter with my Dad? Why did he not fight harder? Why did he want to leave us and go be with Jesus? Why did Mama have to be a widow before she was 50 and spend her years alone? Why? Why? Why? So many questions, yet, few answers. But in this place, I learned— Life’s not fair but God is always good. My Dad, as wonderful a man as he was still wasn’t good for only God is good and since He is good it’s His desire to help us heal from the traumas we face. On my healing journey, I came to realize just how good God is, especially when life isn’t fair.
It was through this trial that I also learned it’s okay to ask God questions. That’s not the same as questioning, as in blaming, God. I wanted to understand, and Good Father that God is, He welcomed my questions. He IS God, therefore He isn’t obligated to answer my questions. But I found any questions that help me know Him in a deeper way he is willing to answer and some He answers just because I’m His daughter. I had been taught, “Never question God,” which I took to mean when bad things happen accept it as God’s will and don’t question Him about it. But I was so broken I dared to reach out to Him. His answers to me quieted my soul and brought me peace. And I learned a very valuable truth— God enjoys my questions. Whether I understand the whys of life may not matter but God desires for me to understand I can always come to Him without fear of rejection.
I also learned every death isn’t God’s will. In heaven, God’s will is carried out but the earth He has given to man (to rule). This is why Jesus taught His disciples to pray, “Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” If everything was already God’s will on earth why pray in that manner? To believe that every death is God’s will absolves the enemy, satan, of any wrong doing in this regard. Sometimes innocent people die before their time. I’ve learned my prayer should be, “God, please don’t allow any of my family to die before their time. May they all fulfill Your plan and purpose for their life.”
The hardest lesson to learn, I think, was that some things must remain unanswered this side of heaven. Knowing this led me to a choice, would I trust God even if I didn’t have all the answers? This, to me, is a true test of faith— trusting God when I have more questions than answers. This faith is hard, but at the same time leads to a peace that can not be explained. It is a quite knowing, that even without all the puzzle pieces I can still see God’s hand and I know He is at work to make sure that “Daddy” place stays full. He is a Good Father!
The above blog was written in May 2017. At the time I had no idea how much I would need to remember the lessons learned from loss as the next 20 months brought deep heartache and loss.
Coffee With the King 